Holiday Traditions of Love

Yet another N.Y. Time submission and yet another unprinted blurb. Maybe I need to change my name to that of some Hollywood actor, they seem to make the cut. 

The holidays are upon us which means traditions. The traditions associated with this time of year, many times, carry heavy emotional attachments. Not all of the emotions are positive no matter what the newest Nexflix or Halmark movies are trying to feed us. Likewise many of the emotions that are positive stem from the past when we were the center of attention for a day and the world seemed to magically manifest toys, food and cheer just because we were alive. There are few things as heartwarming to watch than a child opening a present and seeing the reaction of surprise, joy, and elation wash over them. Often the younger the child the more purely authentic and consuming their reaction; as their expectations and desires are so much less. Without the expectation the little things can touch us deeper.

No matter ones faith or lack of faith this time of year brings up emotions. Even atheist, if they look, may find similar emotional patterns coming up year after year. Though granted it, their emotions may be more deeply aliened with being true to their own beliefs during the cultural onslaught they face. It is hard to impossible to fully capture the feeling of the past. Sometimes one succeeds or surpasses their emotional expectations during the holiday; sometimes. Feelings and emotions during the holidays often become more habitual over time. The words, traditions and habits are synonyms though “tradition” is most glorified. One wants to engage in traditional holiday cheer not habitual holiday cheer. “Habitual holiday cheer” somehow sounds additive. As a culture it is OK for one to work on their habits to change them but not so with traditions. New traditions can be formed and the old ones must not be forgotten. Whether one wants to hang the sign on tradition or habits the fact is both over time become out dated and a new way must emerge.  When one is dealing with habits of the heart they die hard.

This essay could start looking like the annual tradition of the non-commercial Christmas op-ed but it is not. I can not judge someone who works hard and deals with the emotional stress of our society wanting to find places in the year to momentarily forget the hecticness and relax. Nor can I judge the joy of a child or the parent that wants to bring joy. Any day one chooses to show the ones they love that love, in any form, is a good day. Having days when the whole heart is allowed to speak is an exceptionally good day.

The holiday season is a time of love and hope. The love part is more emphasize earlier on in the week leading to hope at New Years. It is through love one often finds hope. This is true for all times of the year. I have found recently more and more of my friends, colleagues and neighbors have become less hopeful. Humans do continue to love which waters a lot of different seeds, like happiness, but why is hope not growing so well?  Maybe it is time to re-examine how we manifest love towards others; how we show love is a cultural expression which changes over time. This can happen slow or fast. It was a short time ago that society only allow males and females to marry each other and public declare their love. Now that idea seems outdated to a majority Americans (gallup poll). Things have change. When it comes to deep seat traditions these changes are often slow to be addressed. It may be easier to change traditional emotions and their manifestations by looking at how one uses these emotions habitually at certain times of the year. There are ways to change and evolve our perspective on how we manifest love that can indeed lead to a more hopeful future.

Love is a long term prospect. Sure it is caring for someone in the here and now and there also a component of goodwill for that person into the future. It is probably easier to love in the here and now, as often there is the reward of the love being returned immediately. To project love for another into the future comes with little reward from the outside world. An example of this would be how we love our children. Often a parent does things for their children in the moment that manifest outcomes in the future, like letting them know they are loved. By telling children they are love it does feel go in the moment but for the child  the deeper reward is their self image in the future. A child who know he/she is loved by the parent love themselves more deeply in the future and in is obvious that creates better outcomes in life.  It does give one a warm heart, knowing one can love without reward is reward enough. This is the exact place one can start to explore new ways of expressing love this be especially true during the holiday season.

I realize we live in a time of instant gratification and the joy of sharing gifts falls into the quick fix of emotional rewards. Though heartwarming and cozy inside the feelings last only a few seconds after the gift is unwrapped. There may be some residual pleasure watching another using your gifts, there may not. Then there is the thank you; yet another reward. Yes we give for the other and yes we give for ourselves. With the state of climate change there is a gift that will be only for the other and that is a future. By giving less I will be giving more. This is especially true for children. This is true all year and more so when cultural traditions dictate otherwise.

It hurts my heart when I hear 24.3 billion dollars were spent from black Friday through Cyber Monday this year, 2019 (Digital Commerce).  I love children, all children. I want them to be happy. I wish their parent happiness and I realize we have been taught this is the way to express love, but is it really? All the plastic, fuel, paper-carbon that was sent into the air for a few moments of joy sadden me when I think of those children’s future and their children’s future. The pain in my chest wants to grow into anger and judgment, but how can I let it? Everyone is giving out of love; it is just misguided. It is tragic to the point of tears seeing love condemned the future.

I, in no way, am advocating to stop giving gifts but maybe less, maybe greener, maybe giving the experiences of spending time together.  In this age we need to redefine many things and many ways of being. What was once a gift could now be a death sentences. If we all just start taking a minute to ask ourselves before we act, “is this REALLY loving for my children and their children and their children?” This does not just go for the holidays and if this is the season of love on earth there is no better place to start. It may feel as if we are suffering on some level to start embracing this heartfelt reality. On some level, in the present moment, it seems like less. No one wants to suffer over the holidays. There is a quiet peaceful still joy, an embracing of hope, that this gift of a future will give to you and your lovers, friends, children and even the earth itself if you let it in without the ideas of tradition of the past.  Suffering with love is not a loss but the gift.