There is a window from which only I can see. It looks
out onto the world hidden from view. It is not clear, in fact, it is quite dirty-
littered from a world which only I can know. The foggy glass is affected by the
good, bad, and indifferent, by the remembered and the forgotten, by that which
excites and that which is boredom. This is my mind and it always stands between
me and reality. I realize what is real for me is not real for another and
neither of us sees the real truth but our own version of it. Even the higher
emotional states, like empathy, are clouded. I can empathize because I have
felt pain and loss, but went I do it is my pain and loss I re-feel and not the other’s
I am reaching out to. Do I feel love like all others? NO, I probably feel love
closest to how my brothers and sister feel love because we were raised most
similarly to each other. Still there are things my sister experienced which I
did not. That taught her what love was, which I missed. I can empathize with
others because we share the experience of love and I can never know the full
depths of another love nor they of mine. Such is the isolated existence of
life.
Some might look on this as being lost in space with no
one who truly understands them. This, of course, is an option, which generally
leads to some kind of despair. I choose another option, which is to validate
that I am unique in my experience. This does not mean I am special like a
princess or prince or any other label of superiority I can choose to hang on
myself; just different. My mind, like all minds, at times wants to be special
and will find ways I am somehow better than xyz. My mind, at times, also wants
to perceive how I am less than or inferior to others. Then there are the times
my mind wants to be both at the same time, which is true agony. But no matter which way those voices in my
head are shouting their dis-information, the closest thing to the truth is I
just am, no bigger or smaller. I feel joy, sorrow, gratitude and loss similar to
others, I see what others see, I experience what others have experienced and
because of that I can relate, but I can never truly know without doubt what is
totally going on with another. Somehow I find comfort in that. It is because of
this uniqueness we can help others to see different ways of being and offer
true advice and solutions that they may not be able to see. It is because of
this that we as a species evolved socially.
Working in Human Services we need to be aware that we perceive the world from our own view point. Human Service can be a very tricky business. Just by the nature of it one is interfering in another’s life. I am not saying interfere as a good or bad thing just that one is getting involved with others lives. A lot of the time these involvements have to do with very primal issues like food, safety, housing, or isolation. This can bring up all kinds of emotions for all involved. I know the first few times I used a food bank I felt defeated, embarrassed, guilty and just a loser in general. The people serving me were very enthusiastic about serving people. I came off as timid, maybe rude and aloof, and controlling of the intake process. None of this had to do with the people I was dealing with. I now know it can be hard as a provider not to take others behavior personally. As a provider it is helpful to realize I cannot know the full scope of emotions someone brings to a situation therefore I do not need to take it personally.
Working in Human Services we need to be aware that we perceive the world from our own view point. Human Service can be a very tricky business. Just by the nature of it one is interfering in another’s life. I am not saying interfere as a good or bad thing just that one is getting involved with others lives. A lot of the time these involvements have to do with very primal issues like food, safety, housing, or isolation. This can bring up all kinds of emotions for all involved. I know the first few times I used a food bank I felt defeated, embarrassed, guilty and just a loser in general. The people serving me were very enthusiastic about serving people. I came off as timid, maybe rude and aloof, and controlling of the intake process. None of this had to do with the people I was dealing with. I now know it can be hard as a provider not to take others behavior personally. As a provider it is helpful to realize I cannot know the full scope of emotions someone brings to a situation therefore I do not need to take it personally.
When we look at providing or expanding programming it
is also helpful to be aware of the fact I cannot fully know another. As Human
Service workers we plan programs to help others. My perception of what help is,
is mine, and may not be true except in the recesses of my own mind. One must
reach out to the population they serve to truly find out what their needs are
and how they want to get those needs fulfilled. We recently started a Senior
Council to direct Senior Programming. How can I as a 48-year-old know what
people 68 need? I can read a book, talk to others, or have a survey and still
it is in my head. I interpret the information from my 48 years of experience.
Some things are better left to those who truly understand.
The food pantry is a simple and potent example of this. We, at the Community Center, have always let our Food Pantry neighbors pick their own food. When I got here I could see no other way of doing it. It just made sense to me that people know what they eat so they should get their own food. Also all the food banks I have ever used were this way so I never knew of another way. It did turn out that other pantries were actually handing out bags of packed food to their clients. These other pantries were not doing anything good or bad just what they thought worked best. As a former and maybe future food bank client I would have been a bit upset if I had no say to what I got to bring home. What if I had allergies or hated canned green beans? Since the San Francisco Food Bank has merged with the Marin Food Bank all the pantries are going to a self serve model. We could get all self righteous that we were doing it right all along but the reality is we did not see another way of doing it in our situation just as the other food pantries did not see another way. There was no right or wrong, just food pantries giving out food as they thought best. It is the client though who truly knew how they wanted to be served and when asked they have chosen for choice.
Only those who we serve can tell us how they need to be served. It gets more challenging because they all need to be served according to their own needs. Of course we cannot serve everyone individually and we can do our best to find a middle path. First we have to connect to those we serve and ask “How do you want to be served?” to find out what that path is. At times I have noticed with Human Service workers the tendency to believe they know what is best for their clients, which only leads to justifiable resentment on the part of the one being served. No one wants to be told they need to eat canned green beans even if they like them. It is humility to accept that we do not know something and that brings us closer to knowing. It is an interesting road to lead with humility, as our society sees that as an oxymoron and we are not taught such things. Or we can just listen to the wisdom of the Grateful Dead- “You who choose to lead must follow”.
Copyright © 2019 by Joseph and Human Anonymous
First published 2013 in Stone Soup
The food pantry is a simple and potent example of this. We, at the Community Center, have always let our Food Pantry neighbors pick their own food. When I got here I could see no other way of doing it. It just made sense to me that people know what they eat so they should get their own food. Also all the food banks I have ever used were this way so I never knew of another way. It did turn out that other pantries were actually handing out bags of packed food to their clients. These other pantries were not doing anything good or bad just what they thought worked best. As a former and maybe future food bank client I would have been a bit upset if I had no say to what I got to bring home. What if I had allergies or hated canned green beans? Since the San Francisco Food Bank has merged with the Marin Food Bank all the pantries are going to a self serve model. We could get all self righteous that we were doing it right all along but the reality is we did not see another way of doing it in our situation just as the other food pantries did not see another way. There was no right or wrong, just food pantries giving out food as they thought best. It is the client though who truly knew how they wanted to be served and when asked they have chosen for choice.
Only those who we serve can tell us how they need to be served. It gets more challenging because they all need to be served according to their own needs. Of course we cannot serve everyone individually and we can do our best to find a middle path. First we have to connect to those we serve and ask “How do you want to be served?” to find out what that path is. At times I have noticed with Human Service workers the tendency to believe they know what is best for their clients, which only leads to justifiable resentment on the part of the one being served. No one wants to be told they need to eat canned green beans even if they like them. It is humility to accept that we do not know something and that brings us closer to knowing. It is an interesting road to lead with humility, as our society sees that as an oxymoron and we are not taught such things. Or we can just listen to the wisdom of the Grateful Dead- “You who choose to lead must follow”.
Copyright © 2019 by Joseph and Human Anonymous
First published 2013 in Stone Soup
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